


Through mine, you were looking in yours

by Kiimo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Grinding, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Dean Winchester, Recreational Drug Use, Season 5 Episode 4, bc it was funier and easier but gay dean supremacy, oh my god i used the tag grinding on ao3 please kill me, this is the only time ill ever write bi dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28853880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiimo/pseuds/Kiimo
Summary: A missing scene from "The End". In which Dean realises things, another Dean struggles, and Cas is being just a bit of an asshole
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 50





	Through mine, you were looking in yours

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this a while ago when we started our spn rewatch (yes we started with the end its one of the best episode ok), and i told my friend i'd post it if i ever finisshed my long cas pov fic. So here it is. It's not anything revolutionary but i think it's a fun read. It's also the most horny thing i ever wrote so, theres that
> 
> Title is from Mitski's Last words of a shooting stars, because when you have no inspiration for a tittle, turn to Mitski

Dean's walking around the camp, trying to find his bearings. He really doesn't plan on staying long, but it's still kind of interesting, seeing this strange world that looks so much like his, yet isn't. Plus, it beats sitting on his ass and thinking about the apocalypse all night. So yeah, he's checking it out, trying not to get seen too much by people who might not know there's two of him yet, when he sees Cas and future him together by a cabine, leaning close and talking in hushed voices. Leaning real close. Future Dean has a hand propped up on the wall next to Cas' head, who's hand is resting on his future self's hip. So, that's weird.

But then future Dean leans in and kisses Cas. A deep kiss too, not a quick peck, and Cas is grabbing at his ass and okay, it's a little more than weird now. Dean might call what he's seeing an earth shattering revelation, if he were able to form sentences right now. His brain got turned to mush by the sight though, and he can't do anything but stare, eyes drinking in the sight of this Cas, so different from his own, so free. This Cas who's moaning into the kiss and being pressed into the wall by a pair of expert hands that look so much like his. He should leave. He shouldn’t be seeing this, he should do anything but stay there. His feet are glued to the ground though.

Future Dean's nibbling on Cas' neck now, kissing and bitting and Jesus fucking Christ are they actually grinding? In public? It does mean Cas' mouth is free though, and who knew the angel could be so loud? He sighs and gasps at every touch, little noises escaping his mouth (Dean can't stop staring at that mouth), head propped up, eyes closed and throat bobbing along. For a moment where he forgets who he is, Dean desperately wants to trade places with his future self.

Then Cas opens his eyes. And stares right at him. He laughs, loudly, then bites his lip around a grin and says : 

"I'm very much not opposed to you joining us, but I think that’ll cause morality issues for you, even in the middle of a wasteland.”

“What?” Dean’s future self pulls back, confused, then turns around when he sees where Cas is looking. “Oh fuck.” He holds a hand to his forehead, quickly takes a step away from Cas, who looks nothing short of delighted. “Oh fuck fuck fuck.”

“You sure have a one track mind, don’t you?” Cas says with a smirk, still looking at present Dean, who’s frozen in place, skin burning up.

“Oh shut up.” future Dean says, head still buried in his hand.

“Make me.”

“Cas for fuck sake.”

Future Dean finally looks up at Dean, pure dread on his face. He sighs and brushes a hand through his hair. Cas is looking at future him again, eyes wide, and Dean is transfixed by the hunger he sees on the angel’s face. 

“Alright, alright.” Future Dean seems to put his thoughts in order

“I think you need to go deal with lil old repressed you.” Cas says, leaning back into future Dean’s space. He inches close to his face, curls a hand around his neck, whispers loud enough that present Dean can hear: “And I wasn’t kidding about that joining thing. Though I doubt you’ll be able to convince the king of self denial over here.” 

Then he does something completely obscene with his tongue on Dean’s ear lobe, all the while looking sideways to present Dean, eyes half closed, picture of depravity. Both Deans short-circuit for a moment, though future him is faster to pull himself back together, probably more used to these horny shenanigans. Dean absolutely can’t reconcile the way this Cas drapes himself around a body that’s almost his, all sly smiles and hooded eyes, and the Cas he knows, reserved, awkward, too big for his stolen skin. 

“Nope, nope. Too weird Cas, even for the apocalypse.” says future Dean, dragging himself away from Cas, almost reluctantly. He turns back to throw a finger in Cas’ direction as he walks towards Dean. “Stay right there, I’ll be back in a sec.”

Cas is pulling out a bag of what Dean is pretty sure is weed (but then again this is 2014 and the apocalypse so the angel could be smoking parsley for all Dean knows), and starts rolling himself a joint, looking at them appreciatively. “Take your time.”

Future Dean grabs his arm and pulls them away from the angel’s gaze, and Dean makes an executive decision to keep his eyes straight so as to not catch an accidental glimpse of his future self’s very obvious boner. They stop once they’re really alone, near the woods, and his future self faces him, rubbing circles on his temples, seeming already exhausted by this conversation.

“Alright, so do I have to hold your hand through all of this or can you open up your own closet door like a big boy?”

“What?”

Future Dean looks at him like he’s a particularly stupid looking cockroach.

“Let’s go with the basics I guess. We’re not straight, Dean. Like, obviously. Obvious even by 2009 standards. I swear, the fucking machism you throw around like a shield is such bullshit.”

“What?”

“Oh grow up. Suck a cock. Live a little!”

“Hold on, hold on.” Dean throws his hands in the air in a desperate effort to protect himself from this avalanche of information. “You can’t fucking tell me I become gay in 5 years and expect me to just accept it like it’s nothing. I like women, alright.”

Future Dean facepalms, and when he looks up, he’s back to looking at his past self like he’s stupidity incarnate.

“Bisexuality, Dean. Ever heard of the concept?”

“But. I…”

“No. No buts, no I, no nothing. Women are hot and men are hot. Everyone is hot and Cas especially is hot and I know I had a breakdown when my own walls came down but you just interrupted the make out sesh of my life and I’m not ready to coach you through your own breakdown. God, how did we grow up around Sam and still end up so repressed? I swear, our sibling does a whole 180 on gender and we still spend 30 years pretending to be straight”

Dean is left looking stupidly into the void, trying to make sense of this newfound sexuality crisis, grasping at the burning sensation he felt all over when Cas looked at him. Cas’ face, Cas’ loose body language, Cas’ heavy breathing and unashamed gaps, all fill his mind, superposed with  _ his _ Cas, the one who squints at him and tilts his head when he doesn’t get a reference. It’s far too much to deal with. His future self adjusts his pants, then looks at him with a mix of pity and annoyance, arms crossed. Finally, Dean asks the question that sticks in his mind and burns on his tongue.

“You and Cas...how long has it been?”

Future Dean looks to the side, like he’s rememoring.

“End of 2010, I think. Cas fell really hard when his powers left him. He was always depressed and moping around and just...not coping very well. It kind of fucking gutted me to see him like that, to be honest. So we got closer, and one thing led to another and...yeah.”

“2010?”

“Yeah, around that time.”

Dean feels like the ground is collapsing under him. That’s so close to his own time, so close to his own Cas, the Cas who isn’t his at all. He thinks of holding the angel in his arms like his future self does, and the concept feels incredibly foreign and unattainable. But at the same time, he’s just realised he wants it so bad he feels like he’s bursting out of his skin. It’s too much for his body, this want, this desire, this shame. And he has too much on his shoulders to indulge in it anyway, the whole fate of the world resting on them.

Still, another question burns at his tongue, is out in the open before he can stop it.

“Do we” he stops himself. Not we, that’s too much, that’s too real. “Do  _ you _ love him?”

His future self seems taken aback. He hesitates a second, looks away.

“Love’s such a big word, you know? Yes, I think? I don’t know, we don’t talk about it. Cas has this way to love. He loves a lot, but many people at once, and he gives it all freely. It’s just easier to take it all as it comes.”

“But how do  _ you _ feel?”

His future self throws him a pointed look. 

“Do you really need an answer to that? I think you know how you feel already, even if you’re really good at hiding it.” 

And isn’t that a gutting thing to say? It’s like his older self slammed his hand in his chest and buried it between his ribs, fingers curling around his pulsating heart, pressing down.

“Anyway.” Future Dean says, shaking his head as if to rid himself of some deep longing unfit for the end of the world. “

Get lost. I don’t care what the stoned angel says, we’re not having a threesome.”

He throws him a last long look and leaves, probably to have mindblowing sex, and Dean stares at the forest for a while, face hot, mind numb.

When he gets back to his time, and his Cas saves him from Michael, Dean buries himself into his arms and pulls him into a very tight hug. He tries not to think about the other Cas, the one who laughs and smiles with teeth and moans in another him’s ear before bitting it, as Cas freezes and slowly puts his arms up, awkwardly clinging at his shoulders. When he pulls back, he looks at Cas’ confused face, and tries not to bury his feelings deep down, tries to let his love float on the surface of his heart, because the angel at least deserves this. He still doesn’t know how they’re gonna keep the world from burning up, but he knows he wants his brother by his side, and Cas’ hand in his. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! You can find me @kimodraw on tumblr or twiter, where i post lots of spn art. Have a nice day/evening/night, wherever you are!!


End file.
